Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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