I will die if light touches me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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