I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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