You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
