is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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