I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
