So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
