we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
