he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
