Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
