He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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