I CAN MOONWALK!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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