my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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