I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
