Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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