She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize