That's when you crack a 10am beer
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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