there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
