i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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