She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
