So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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