When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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