I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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