But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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