If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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