Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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