just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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