Umm I'm too high to move.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
