sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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