Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
