Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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