allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
