yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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