Everything about him screamed your future.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
