Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
