Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He passed out mid-signature
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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