Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
