My girlfriend figured out who you are.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
