She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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