I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize