I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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