I hate your face
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
