we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
