Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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