I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
