Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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