her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
