You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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