At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
