Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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