Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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