could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize