know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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