PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
