hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i drank out of a bidet.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So apparently I’m into choking now
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize