Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
