i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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