dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It was confusing and full of hummus
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
