Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
