Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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