There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
