I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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