ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
